Starting this month I will be taking the bus to and from work. There are a lot of positives involved in this decision. First the bus stops are insanely close to both my house and work. Secondly, I will be riding an express bus, meaning less stops along the way. Thirdly, I can get a bus pass through work at a discount. Finally, I can sit back and let someone else get me to and from work. Well, there might be an issue with the last one. The more I've thought about this, especially after taking a couple of trial runs, the more I've come to realize that I have issues about relying on other people.
I guess it starts at the bus stop. Will the bus be late? Early? There's a certain feeling I get as I head out to the stop, no matter how early, that if I don't quicken my pace, I'm going to just miss the bus. Whew, I made it to the bus stop. Now where is that bus? I realize that my watch is always a few minutes early, but it should be here by now. Did it break down? Accident? Shit, did it come by early, thereby justifying my initial concern. Oh, here it comes. I'm on board and we're on our way! Man, traffic looks pretty bad today. Why is everyone going so slow? Now we're stopped? What is it now? Looks like some sort of accident up ahead. Damn it! If I were driving I would... well, I'd still be stuck in this mess, but for some reason I'd still feel as though I had a lot more control. Alright, alright. The driver is doing his best to get around. Just squeeze by and... there! Back on track. Good, now just gun it and... ah crap! Who's getting off at this stop? Why would anyone need to get off at this stop?! Alright, let's get this moving again. Good, we're here. Actually, not too bad. A couple of minutes off, but I had enough to work with...
... Well here we are at the end of the day. I'm here waiting to catch the bus home. I hope it didn't come early. No, I check the schedule, I should be well ahead of it. Here comes a bus that goes to the transit centre. I could catch this one, but then I'd be waiting at the centre for my usual bus any way. I'll let it pass. Another one going to the transit centre. And another one. Where's mine? Seems a little late. What th-? Three buses with the same number just went by. That's not a good sign. Something's wrong up the line. Here comes another one that goes to the centre. Do I catch it? What's waiting for me at the centre? Where the hell is my bus? Should I just catch this one... too late. It's gone. Where is my bus? I'm going to be so late getting home. It should have been here by now. Did it come early? Did I somehow miss it? Was today the day that the driver decided to do his route at warp speed? Damn it! I can't tell if the bus is super early or super late. All I can tell is that it is not on time! I hate not knowing whether or... oh. Here is is. Finally.
Yeah, I have issues with letting someone else do the driving. I can tell that it's going to take me a while to sit back and relax. Now you might think that I have this problem because I am having to trust a complete stranger to ferry me to and from work. However, I can tell you that this is not the reason. First of all, I am well aware that even though I don't personally know the driver, I am aware that this is the driver's job. It's what he or she is paid to do. I am paradoxically confident in their ability to to their job, yet not confident that their ability will be able to serve me, and this is not limited to public transit. For some reason, I have lowered expectation of many people. Even people that I've known for years. We could be very good friends, and I could have complete faith that you would do your very best to fulfill a given obligation. However, if you are a couple of minutes late, I immediately descend into thoughts of, "He probably forgot completely," or worse, "He didn't forget, he probably could be bothered." Now, for anyone who is reading this who happens to know me personally, before you get all pissed off please be assured that this a "It's not you, it's me" situation. I simply have problems relying on other people (or perhaps not simply, I don't attest to being an expert in psychology). It's been that way for as long as I can remember. If I have low expectations of you coming through for me, please try not to take offense, though I completely understand if you do. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I get weird about my lack of omniscience.
So where does this leave me? Oh yeah, I'll be taking the bus to work. And I'm pretty sure I'm not omniscient. I think I'd know.
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