... there. That's better. Now what you are about to read is a complete rewrite. I originally started this post with the idea of asking, "Is this where I thought I'd be at this point in my life." I then started think about how I was never focused on a career, and how I just kind of fell into the field of work I'm in, and how I've been married for over 10 years with two children... and then I stopped. I noticed that it was starting to sound a bit whiny. Did I plan to work at a library for over 15 years? No. Did I plan to find someone that I would end up spending the last 10 years with (plus about 8 years of dating)? No. Did I plan to become a father to two children? Well, let's just say that up to 4 years ago, I didn't really like kids, period; and I have a degree in elementary education! Now, granted I did not have much in the way of a preconceived idea of what my life would look like at 35, but somehow I don't recall it looking like this. But the more I though about it, the more I realized that, in fact, I'm happy. I'm happy that I didn't have a grand scheme for my life. I'm happy that I found a place where I can still find employment after 15 years, even if I don't consider it a career. I'm happy that I found a woman whom I love very much, and who loves me and is able to put up with the moodiness, the sarcasm, the cynicism, and general crap I put forth. 10 years is nothing to sneeze at! I'm happy that my wonderful wife and I have produced two beautiful (and I mean that literally, not in the "you're beautiful because you're my child" sort of way; they're gorgeous) children. To be perfectly honest, I still feel apprehensive around other people's kids, but there is no way I could imagine my life without mine.
Yes, I guess you could say that I am civil servant who is living in domestic bliss. Whatever that means. Does it mean a certain level of mediocrity? Perhaps; sometimes a little more than others. Does it mean that I will never get the chance to sleep in until both my kids are in their teen years? Most likely. Does it mean that we are afraid to look at our bank balance, and so opt for forced ignorance instead? More than I care to mention. Does it mean that my two small children have the ability, whether on their own or in concert with each other, to completely dismantle me and relegate any chance of applying reason to the realm of pure fantasy? Bloody hell! Does it mean that I can look into my wife's eyes and know that no matter what happens, she will be there for me, and I for her? Does it mean that I can watch my children in amazement as they grow and learn new things each and every day? Does it mean that I can take refuge in a Sunday morning where I am by chance able to get up before everyone else and get the coffee brewing? Yes, yes, and yes. Does it mean that I tend to carry on like an idiot? No, I've always done that. Does it mean that I can stop brooding over the fact that I barely, barely passed CaLM (Career and Life Management) in junior high? *extends middle finger* Does it mean that I'm, happy? Yes. Yes it does.
So, are you where you thought you'd be?...
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